Previously, on Star Wars Ruined My Life and Gave Me a Brain Anuerism The movie: The video game
Star Wars is my favorite thing in the world. If I could trade my soul with Satan for a star wars doll I would fricken do it. I own every single piece of Star Wars themed merch in the world, even the complete set of Star Wars dildos. I even own the Slave Leia bra and panties and I go to work in it every day. I bring my lightsaber to work every day and I beat the shit out of everyone there. I also pump the Star Wars theme song 24/7 and my co-workers try to murder me but the force is with me and I kill them all with my bare hands. I meet George Lucas and Jar Jar Binks and fuck them sooooooooo hard. One day I bonked my head on my Star Wars decorated floor and I had an epiphany, after my ten year coma. My epiphany was that Star Wars episode seven The Force Awakens is coming out. I peed myself. I woke up from my coma and went to the theaters. That was the worst decision in my life. When I arrived to the theaters nobody was at opening night. WTF but I bought my fuckin ticket anyway and the film was all like playing the Star Wars theme. DAAAAAAAAA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DUH DUH DUH DUUUUUUUH DAAAAAAA DUH DUH DUH DAAAAA DA DUH DUH DUH DAAAA DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUUUUH DAAAAA duh DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DHU DUH DUH DUH DUH DUHDUDUUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUUDUDUDUDUUUUUUUDUUUUUUDUUUUUUUDUUUUUAAAADADADADADADAAAAAD DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUHDUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUH WAH WAH WAH WAAAAAAAAH. Luke Skywalker jumped up at the end and he began to do a breakdance but since he was old he broke his back. I sobbed a little. Then there was a lot of static. I sobbed a little more. Then Han Solo walked over to Leia and said "I can't believe Luke is dead. Leia whimpered and cried a lot. Then the film ended. I said "That, was, AWESOME." I walked home and played the guitar! And then I always loved Star Wars. Wait, this is a scary story? OH SHIT! Jar Jar came into my room and beat the shit out of me. I tried my best to fend him off but he was too strong. "GOD DANGIT" I screamed Jar beat the shit out of me more. I sobbed a lot. Then I force pushed him back. Then I snapped Jar Jar's skull in half and ran away. George Lucas appeared in the shadows and took out his lightsaber. I took out mine and so we fought and fought and fought and fought and fought and fought and fought and fought and fought and fought and fought and fought and fought and fought until he cut off my hand. I screaamed and stabbed George Lucas in his fat stomach.
And now, the conclusion...
After I stabbed George Lucas in his fat stomach, George Lucas teleported away and summoned an army of clones and Ewoks. I left to to get a robotic arm. I studied Star Wars episodes, and I figured out how to make his downfall begin. I started the army fight and I bashed all of the heads of every single, fucking Ewok ever. Then came the clones. Boba Fett flew over and said "Fuck you bitch" He shot me in the ass and I started running around like a like a little pussy. I collapsed on the floor and I was knocked out for 666 years. In my dream I saw EVIL PATRIXXX..."God I've missed you." I said as we made out and made smexi butt love. "Mmmmmmmm..." I said. After that hotness I told him "PATRIXXX PLEASE I NEED YOU TO GIVE ME AN ANEURYSM." "Why?" said PATRIXXX. "Because." said I. "because what?" Said PATRIXXX "Because potatoes." "OK" He gave me the aneurysm and I woke up. The battle was over and everybody was dead. I found a dead George lucas on the ground. "WTF?" I said. Then Darth Vader came up and said it's over Steven. "OH SHIT!" I screamed. I took out my lightsaber and we fought an clashed and I cut off vaders mask. It was George Lucas. WHAT A TWIST! It turned out that the dead George Lucas was actually Darth vader dressed like George Lucas. George Lucas said. "I heard you had an aneurysm. He bashed my head with a brick and my aneurysm blew up. But then I took out George Lucases weakness before I died, the prequels the prequels were so terrifying to Lucas that he stabbed himself with the lightsber. "Yes" I said with a dying laugh, and I died WIth sudden satisfaction.